NanTalk Triple Play

Hannah, procrastinating again (don't know where she picked up that skill....). Playing with a cowboy hat. She lies down on the floor, puts the hat over her face, crosses her legs and sighs.

H: I'm going to be a cowgirl when I grow up. I have to practice keeping this hat on my face.

Me: I guess that's to keep the sun out of your eyes when you're resting from a long day on the range.

H: No. It's so I can look like a cowgirl.

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It was warm enough to grill over the weekend. Yay! We cooked some Omaha Steaks we got for a Christmas gift--yum! We also had roasted potatoes (cut into big cubes), salad with cubes of cheese. The steaks were square, and I added sauteed mushrooms for Hannah and James (blech to me).

Looking down at my plate I said, "It looks like the theme for tonight's dinner is Squares."

Hannah said, "Except for the umbrella- shaped mushrooms."

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Nan, a big fan of The Lion King, looking through a newly arrived American Girl catalogue:

"Mom, look at Rebecca Rubin's hakuna outfit!"

(Rebecca is Jewish and had a Hannukah outfit.)

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Bonus:

Valentine's Dinner, courtesy of Hannah

I love that girl.

Save me.

Teenager-hood is right around the corner.

Attitude is arriving.

Evidence: Hannah procrastinating taking her shower tonight. She made up some story about the bathroom being too scary and TikTok (from the Wizard of Oz books) was going to get her.

Me: You'd better stop pretending and get moving.

H: There IS something scary in the bathroom.

Me, sternly: There isn't anything scary in the whole house.

H: Yes there is. It's YOU when you're mad.

Follow up to the Follow up

My online acquaintance, Sue, blogs about her life with her 3 children, two of whom have special needs. Her latest post includes a story of an amazing 14 year old writer/singer who captures the idea that even one person can make a difference. One person like Hannah, or you, or me.

Go visit Sue's site to hear the whole story.

Follow up to the R-word

Wow. I never imagined that little Five Guys story would have touched so many people! When I was writing it I really had second guesses about it--I didn't think it was all that interesting. I mean, it was cool when it happened, but it didn't seem like anything out of the ordinary. Except the free fries. The whole episode passed rather naturally and comfortably. I guess I ought to get ready for a more confrontational situation some time.

Our family is pretty insulated against mainstream popular culture. We're not complete granolas here, but we definitely march to a different drummer. Since we homeschool it's easier to avoid negative closed-minded people. Even though we are by no means isolated--we're out and about in the community and interacting with all kinds of people--we're just not boxed in. I don't have to worry much about who has access to my kid, or who will say what to her or about her.

We do work on toughing Hannah up some. She has a pretty thin skin when it comes to teasing. We're working on getting her to recognize the difference between "fun" teasing and "mean" teasing. When to ignore things and when to laugh along to have fun, and when to ask for help. It's hard because we can't possibly come up with all the scenarios she might encounter.

Back when Hannah was an alien my wise sister gave me some good suggestions: "We did a lot of role playing with Stephen last year before he started Kindergarten. He's short, so I'd call out, "Hey Shrimp!". It took a while for him to learn to respond, "Heya, lobster!" Boy was that time well spent! Wish I'd done it with my over-sensitive girl. We have a good book called Sticks and Stones that goes through various anti-bullying techniques to teach kids. One of our favorites is "you might be right". No matter what someone calls you, you reply, "Yep, you might be right!" I've seen this in action, and it makes the name calling game boring pretty fast."

I feel that negative teasing and name-calling does far more damage than the casual usage of the r-word. Clearly Hannah didn't pick up on the Five Guys guy's muttered phrase. There was no immediate harm done to her when he spoke those words. Of course, she doesn't yet have an understanding of what "retarded" means. She does know that she has Down syndrome, and that the extra chromosome gives her body extra directions that make her uniquely Hannah. For the most part, she sees herself as equal to everyone else. She clearly has a strong self-image and has innocent, ambitious plans for her future--to be a dentist, a ski-jumper, a veterinarian, a ballerina, a dog-trainer. She doesn't feel that she has any limitations. And I don't want people putting limitations on her--neither with low expectations nor with their hurtful words.

I fully expect Hannah will eventually recognize her own limitations, the same as the rest of us who once imagined winning Olympic Gold or becoming the President . I know we'll have to help her through as she realizes what Down syndrome means to her--most likely she will not have babies of her own, she may not be as independent as she wishes, she will have loneliness and disappointments. Just the same as the rest of us.

The difference between our own life struggles and hers is that we don't have as many other people telling us who we are and who we aren't. We don't have people disbelieving our abilities--people who are consistently surprised that we are able to do typical things like read, shop, dance--people who are putting us down, putting us as second-class citizens. I am glad that Hannah doesn't have to be exposed to this yet.

I don't like the r-word. Yes, it's part of the puzzle. But I don't think it's the worst thing. If we eliminate it, there will be a new word to take it's place, I guarantee it. The same as moron, dumb, imbecile and idiot. Not too long ago saying "idiotic" felt the same to some families as "retarded" feels to us. But the words are not the worst thing. The worst thing is not being able to change people's minds about what difference and disability means. I think that only happens one person at a time, usually by someone like Hannah, or Jessie, or Vignesh, or Jude.

Yes, another Blogger with an R-word story. How timely!

I haven't had any "R" word experiences. You'd think that with a nearly-12 year old child with Down syndrome that I'd have come across it more often.

Well, I guess that isn't true. I have had occasional friends or acquaintances slip and use the word, but with a quick apology they have shaped up without much intervention.

But Tuesday night Hannah and I went to 5 Guys for our annual allotment of grease and calories. I have been to 5 Guys one other time, when Chris was craving a burger during a long hospital stay for broken vertebrae.

The first thing I noticed was that there was a hand-written sign on the door.

"We cannot except credit cards at this time since our machine is out of order."

This irritated me of course, not because I didn't have cash, but because of the incorrect usage of "except". I'm such a snob.

We entered the restaurant, and were greeted at the counter by a polite young man, probably about 20 years old. A similar sign excepting credit cards was on the counter. After a friendly greeting, I teasingly said (though perhaps shouldn't have), "This bothers me--the word is "accept", not "except". I am a teacher, and this should be corrected." The young man didn't really understand the difference between the two, but trying to appease the customer, offered up, "Oh, that was _____'s sign. She's retarded."

I knew he was using the term as popular culture does. In a friendly way I said, "Excuse me? Did you say retarded? That is not a word to be used. You need to pay attention." He was confused until I nodded my head towards my daughter (who was oblivious to the entire thing as she was studying the menu). He immediately apologized, looked me straight in the eye and said, "You're exactly right. I won't use that word again." I said, "Thank you. The word 'retarded' is just as bad as other words, you know, like the n-word." (I figured I'd play this card since he'd be sensitive to someone using that word.)

He apologized again and vowed to never use the word.

And then he gave us free fries.

After enjoying our dinner, we were ready to leave. He called out, "I meant it! Really! Have a good night!"

NanTalk

Hannah is in bed reading a book about a family that is expecting a baby. The book has real photographs of the baby as it develops in utero, and discreet pictures of the birth. There is a picture of the new baby wailing right after birth.

Hannah calls to me, "Mom! Come and see this! It's just like when I was born! Isn't that baby cute, just like me? Remember when I was born and I howled like a wolf looking at the moon?"

A Little Bit of Homeschooling

That's all we're getting done these days. We've been busy with lots of learning, but not necessarily quantifiable learning. But just to provide some evidence of actual academic and critical thinking, I took a few pictures. (Still have not found the little video camera. I think Chris will have to cough up the digital camera he took to college and never uses. Spring Break isn't that far away!)

Here's a page of Hannah's Building Thinking Skills book. She loves it. And it makes her think.

Several times a week we've been setting up shop. Sometimes it's groceries, sometimes it's clothes, but this time it was our own Littlest Pet Shop. We collected some of Hannah's Pet Shop toys, and added in a few real pet things to our "store" . I mean, who could resist a chewed nylon bone with lint on it? Especially when it's only $0.66. Or, maybe you'd rather have a lizard for $0.50? A fish with half a tail? To get that beauty you've got to have 100 pennies. Or 10 dimes. Or a paper dollar. Or a John Tyler dollar coin.

Hannah is pondering her purchases.

We are only using pennies, dimes and dollars right now. I've been trying to get her comfortable with the two symbols we use for money. The "$" and the "¢ " . In addition to making American coins as confusing as possible, Americans also like to write things out like this:

$0.78, which we read as "78 cents". Does it say 78¢ ? No. What it actually says is "zero dollars and 78/100ths of a dollar". One more tick on the confusion side.

But Nan is learning that she can read it as "78 cents".

I made a whole bunch of price tags, some with $ and some with C. Some are easy amounts of money, and some are difficult.

She's learning how to pay exact change. And what happens if she doesn't have exact change. We're not even going to start thinking about nickels or quarters. Or sales tax (heaven help us). We're going in baby steps. And we're having fun!


We also have been making Valentines, baking, going to a new swimming teacher, piano lessons, drama, Pottery class (new this week!), yoga, library, going to Special Olympics swimming for the first time, playing in the snow (it will never melt...we got another inch yesterday), watching the Olympics and battling the new medical insurance for coverage for Hannah's CPAP.

May your Valentine's day be filled with love!

p.s. Argh at Blogger's formatting!